Recently in Accident Category

Wow. I just talked to the person who was the driver that hit me two years ago. She lives in my housing complex and I'm on the Board of Directors for the Homeowner's Association. She called about an HOA matter, and I recognized her name from the traffic report. So after the HOA stuff was settled, I told her who I was in relation to that accident.

I think we both cried on the phone, at least I know I did. She was pretty shaken. I couldn't stop pacing after I got off the phone with her. It was a good conversation, but I know I threw her for a loop, because she never knew my name or anything. She didn't even know for a few months whether I was dead or alive, because the police wouldn't tell her. It was only through a mutual friend that she found out I was okay.

She apparently had a really rough time, went through depression, was put on medication, and still can't drive at night. She kept apologizing to me and I told her it was a freak accident and we definitely harbor no ill will. I was glad when the traffic report came back saying she wasn't at fault, because we didn't want the insurance to go after her; we were completely fine with leaving her out of it. She said she just kept thinking what an awful Christmas present she gave to my parents, because she thought she had killed me. She didn't see me until she saw my body flying off her car. I can't even imagine having that image stuck in my head.

She did piece together a little more of the accident for me. I presume she got the detail from the folks in the other car because she knows know them. Or it was somehow relayed to her at the scene by either the folks in the other car or the cops via the folks in the other car. Anyhow, she said I was crouching down in the middle of the road on the other lane. (That must be the distinct memory I have of petting the dog.) She said that when the other car came, it startled me and I stood up and backed into her lane right as she was coming.

She said that she's open to meeting in person. She actually hasn't gotten her van fixed and is okay with me taking a picture of it. I was worried she'd think I was morbid for wanting a picture, but she was worried I'd think she was morbid for not fixing it.

I know that I went through a lot physically, and some mentally, but I can't even imagine the mental trauma she went through, and will continue to go through.

Wow...

Aaaaaaah! I can't take it. I'm sick of these ups and downs. I'm off the Norco pain pill, which is awesome, but I'm still on the pain patch. They've been weaning me off of it, but now I think I'm going through withdrawals. The patch lasts 3 days and we were doing every 4 days for a while. We changed to every 5 days with this last box. Two more patches and then I'm done for good. But the days 4 and 5 are really rough. I get very sad and depressed...can barely eat and it's hard to sleep. I left work early today and I just called out of work tomorrow because it's day 5 and I just don't think I can do it. It's so hard. All I want to do is cry. Mike's been so good to me, so supportive. I don't know what I'd do without him.

On a bright note, the timing works out that I will get off my last patch the same time I go on vacation, so that's good in the sense that I won't have to deal with work while getting off of it, but
bad in the sense that it'll probably put a damper on my vacation.

A couple nights ago (Wednesday maybe?), Mike came into the room and shook me awake, wanting to know what was wrong, if I was okay. Apparently I was moaning and making noises in my sleep and he heard me from the computer room. We're guessing I had another nightmare, but I don't remember any of the dream.

After trying for 3 months to jump through the hoops from first the health insurance, second from UCLA, and third from doctors' schedules, I finally have an appt to see the nueropsychologist on Monday! I talked to the doctor today about some of my issues (including my latest nightmare). He seemed very empathetic and interested in talking about and trying to resolve my issues. I felt very comfortable with him over the phone and am looking forward to the appt. It's going to be an all-day thing - from 8:45am to 4 or 5pm. They're going to run all sorts of tests, including checking out my emotions to see if I'm having any post traumatic stress issues.

One of the first questions he asked me over the phone after we got the appointment scheduled was if I was seeing him as part of a litigation process. I found that amusing. I'm guessing he wanted to know whether he was just seeing me to try to get stuff documented for a settlement of some sort or whether he was seeing me because I am sincere in my issues and want help. Theoretically, he'd provide me with the same level of treatment no matter what my answer was, but he probably just wants to know exactly what kind of case he's dealing with. I told him that I have no intention of pursuing the matter with the person who hit me.

I saw my surgeon today. He looked at the x-rays and said that all of my bones are completely healed; I can resume normal activity. :) He also said it's not the screws that are preventing the range of motion on my left ankle, but that it's stiffness. So I'm to see him again in six months. I think the elliptical has helped stretch it some already, and over these next six months, I'll work on stretching it more. He did say that what I have may be the best I can hope for and I should consider myself very lucky, which of course I do, but I'm going to try for more.

I had a nightmare Thursday night, within only the first hour of going to bed. I dreamt that there was some shouting outside of the actual home I live in, then a man came up to the window of the actual bedroom I sleep in, with a gun pointing at Mike and I. We ran upstairs (which we don't actually have in real life since our house is a single story). The man ran up after us and I watch him shoot Mike...saw the bullets go into his skin and blood shoot out. Then the guy turned the gun on me. Then the guy started laughing and talking to us, telling us how we should have handled the situation. I was appalled because I had to actually see Mike get shot.

Then I woke up and told Mike about the dream, about how I saw him get shot 10 times and I saw the blood. There was yelling outside a few houses down, so we figured that's what spurred the dream. The yelling started getting louder and we got scared and wanted to set our security alarm and leave. I didn't know the code, but Mike did and he was having trouble with the alarm, but he wouldn't tell me the code so I could help.

Then I really woke up. Mike said I was whimpering. After a little bit of him holding me, I told him about the nightmare. I asked him if there was any shouting outside or if that was all in my dream. I felt kinda scared still. Waking up in my dream and telling Mike about the nightmare, and all that still being a dream kinda shook me. So did the fact that the dream took place in our actual house. I looked at the clock and it was only an hour after I had gone to sleep. Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well the rest of the night.

I don't know if the nightmare is related to my accident or not. Since the accident, I've had plenty of unpleasant dreams. At first I was calling them nightmares, until I had four very bad nightmares, and then I came to the conclusion that those were nightmares related to the accident while the others were unpleasant dreams related to the drugs. It's really just a guess, I don't actually know. The other four I could see how they'd be related to the accident - they were all about me being in a situation I had no control over, I felt completely helpless, and the only thing I could think to do was call out to Mike. Not sure if this one fits in that category or not.

Anyway, I was not very happy to have the dream. It really bothered me.

One day with no Norco. No pain. So far, so good. :)

For the first time, I feel like I'll actually be able to get off the pain meds. I'm down to half a Norco with breakfast and one ibuprofen with dinner. And of course the pain patch - changed every 4 days. I forgot to take the ibuprofen last night and it didn't really bother me. I went over 24 hours without another pain pill! I was pretty much okay. My ankle hurt a little bit, but not enough to bother me, although I did limp a little. And my pelvis didn't hurt at all (that's what really hurt when I first tried to go off the Norco). So next weekend, I'm going to try to go off the Norco again and have 3 ibuprofens a day. If I can handle that, then we'll work on moving me to changing my pain patch every 5 days. And if I tolerate that, then we can get me off the pain patch altogether. I'm so excited! I want to wait until next weekend to try the first step so that I don't have to contend with going anywhere or being at work.

Physical Therapy discharged me last week saying that since the doctor says I have to wait a year to get the screw out, there's really nothing more they can do about the limited range of motion in my left ankle. So they told me to continue with the exercises, but I don't have to go to them anymore.

Occupational Therapy did a re-assessment last night. He said I improved a lot quicker than he had thought I would. He told me I was doing a good job and to keep up with my exercises at home, but I can stop coming in.

So yay, no more driving out to Palmdale every week (started at 3 times a week, then moved down to 2, and finally down to once a week). I'm officially on my own! :)

For those of you who heard about my accident...I'm home! More details later...I'm about to go to bed.