April 26, 2005

Last Week's News

The Time Traveler Convention, if successful, will be held again at exactly the same time.

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Time traveler attends "once in a lifetime event" for the third time

Temporal Junction 7a, TIMELINE 13 (After Press Release) -- LWN caught up with temporal tourist Arnold Spex at his Timeline 13 home as he prepared once again for the upcoming Time Traveler Convention on May 7, 2005. Spex will be attending the once in a lifetime event for the third time.

"The first time I went, the con was a bit overwhelming," Spex admitted. "Having 1.3 billion attendees converge on a single Boston weekend was totally crazy. The con committee had to refold the local spacetime sheet six times, and we were still spilling over into adjacent timelines. I just wasn't ready for it, so I spent most of the con buying souvenirs in the dealers' room and filking about 23rd Century pop culture.

"The second time I went, I ran into an old buddy at the registration table. We hadn't seen each other since we'd toured Victorian England together back in fourth grade, so we had a lot of catching up to do. Before we realized it, the con was half over and all the good panels were totally full."

Spex paused to close his suitcase of period costumes and role-playing game miniatures before adding, "This time I'm ready to do the con right. The 21st Century had better watch out for me!"

Spex then stepped timidly downstairs to ask his mother for the keys to the time machine. "Pleeeeeease, Mom? Dad said I could go to the conference if I finished all my homework."

"That silly conference again? This has got to be your sixth time there."

"No, it's just the third."

"I was just about to use the machine to get some sliced dodo for next week's lunches. Can't you wait until I get back?"

"Well...if you return fifteen minutes before you leave, the time machine will be available for me to use right now." There was a loud popping sound from the garage. "And there you are! Bye, Mom!"

"Bye," said Spex's present-mom, waving from the kitchen.

"Bye, Mom!" Spex called again.

"Bye," said Spex's future-mom, emerging from the garage with a bundle of groceries.

"And wear a sweater this time," both moms called out together. "If you catch another one of those 21st Century colds, you'll only have yourself to blame."

Disclaimer: This story is for entertainment only. If you're looking for an accurate news source, we suggest The Onion.

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